The passage
      v1. The exhortation is simple and straightforward, children must obey their parents. It is their duty to submit to parental authority while in the family home. Once married and in their own home, they are then no longer under parental authority. Such submission is difficult, but is part of the business of mutual submission.
      v2-3. To support his exhortation Paul quotes the fifth commandment according to Deuteronomy rather than Exodus, Deut.5:16. He does this to include the phrase "that it may go well with you......" As he says, this is "the first commandment with a promise". Life generally works out best for us when we respect our parents.
      v4. The exhortation to parents is that they apply authority to their children in a way which will not promote resentment. The exercise of authority should not be harsh, overbearing, soul-destroying, dehumanizing. As Paul notes in Colossians 3:21, overbearing authority only disheartens the child.

Parenting
      Modern society has brought with it tremendous benefits for young people, yet children today are faced with problems which parents find difficult to control - dissolution of families, a myriad of external influences, "free expression", early puberty, promiscuity..... Christian parents today need to return to the Biblical patterns of family.

1. Parental Responsibilities
      In our passage today Paul reminds parents not to provoke their children, but rather nurture them. There are three elements to this nurture.
        i] Love. Titus.2:4. Provide a positive family life where the child is encouraged to develop physically, psychologically, socially and spiritually.
        ii] Discipline. The Biblical picture is that of nurturing our children by chastening and admonition. Training and directing them, Prov.22:6, controlling them, 1Tim.3:4, and where necessary, with verbal and physical correction, Prov.13:24, 19:18, 22:15, 23:13. The Bible does not encourage excessive violence, punishment prompted by a bad temper or "Victorian" restrictions, nor the suppression of a child's personality.
        iii] Instruction. A prime responsibility parents must accept is to teach their children, Deut.4:9, 6:7, 20, 21:19, 31:13, Prov.22:6, Isa.28:9. Instruction consisted of two things:
          a) The Law of God. Education involved reading, ethics, Prov.31:1, religion, Deut.6:20-25.
          b) A trade. Usually the father taught his son a trade. The best example we have is Jesus himself.

2. Children's responsibilities
      Paul reminded children to obey their parents. Sadly, today, the opposite is often the rule. As one secular writer put it "to be authentically ourselves we must not only declare our independence from whatever is past: we must positively disavow it." There are four elements to the business of submission to parents.
        i] Obey, Prov.1:8, 6:20, Col.3:20, 1Tim.5:4. God has established the pattern of the family with the obligation upon parents to rule their children and the obligation upon children to obey in "everything". This obligation is upon children until they "leave" their parents to unite in marriage and so form a new family unit, Gen.2:24. The authority of parents over their children ceases at this point.
        ii] Honour, Ex.20:12, Lev.19:3, Deut.27:16, Prov.30:17, Matt.15:4, 1Tim.5:4. Always and at all times give respect to parents when respect is due. Parents who dishonor God cannot expect respect from their children. Dishonor toward parents is expressed in lack of loyalty, love, stubbornness, dissension in the home, cursing, striking or mocking parents. Give honour to parents especially in their old age.
        iii] Beware. To dishonor or disobey a parent is to attract God's anger. This is demonstrated in the Old Testament by the punishment meted out for such an offence. eg. hitting or cursing parents is subject to death, Ex.21:15, Lev.20:9. Not obeying a parent is subject to stoning, Deut.21:18-21. Actually, the misbehavior of children is seen as a sign of God's judgement, Isa.3:5, 2Tim.3:2.
        iv] Blessed, Deut.5:16, Prov.8:17, 32. Clearly there are social consequences that follow obedience to God's laws. Follow God's plan and it will go well with us. This is the point Paul is making in our passage for study. His point is most likely in the terms of social benefit. It's a good law and works well for us in life.

v1
      en kuriw/ "in the Lord" - The phrase "in the Lord" has caused some trouble. It is often argued that believing children need only obey believing parents, ie. those who are "in the Lord." The context of the exhortation is a believing home, but whether believing or not, parental authority always exists and children need obey. If the parental direction is immoral, then that is on their head not the children. The phrase "in the Lord" is actually not found in many older manuscripts.

v2
      timw (timaw) imp. "honour" - The word "honour" means respect, and to respect ones parents is to submit to their authority. Of course, this sits well with the Christian principle of mutual submission, of the giving of self to others.
      en epannelia/ (a) "with a promise" - The promise is not so simple. The promise in its original form was a promise of enjoying the fruits of the promised land. The people of Israel were God's chosen people. He had called them to himself, he was their God and they were his people. Yet, to experience the abundance of blessing which was theirs as God's children, required faithfulness. The blessings were expressed in physical terms - long life, many children.... These would flow to the people if they were faithful to God and sought to live according to his revealed will. Of course, along with the promise of blessing was the promise of cursing. The people were born in sin and thus, their rebellion inevitably triggered the curse. All this prepared for the coming of Jesus. He, as the faithful Israelite, the faithful child of God, could receive the promised blessings of the "land", of the Kingdom. He is now the risen Lord, and all who associate with him get to share in the blessing of life eternal in the presence of God.
      Clearly Paul does not touch here the theology of the blessings and cursings of the covenant. His point is a pragmatic one. He adapts the Deuteronomy quote by replacing the reference to the "land" with "earth". The "land", referring to the promised land of Israel, would have little meaning to Gentile readers. The pragmatics of the law are simple enough. Although God gave the law knowing that the people could never keep it, he did give a law which was keepable and which when kept, gives us the best possible chance to enjoy life to the full. That is, the law does not spoil our fun, but actually enables us to enjoy life more. So, his exhortation to children to obey their parents is supported by the simple pragmatic truth that such action is for their best. It may not seem that way now, but in the long run it is to the children's advantage if they submit to the authority of their parents.

v4
      parorgizete (parorgizw) "exasperate" - make angry, provoke.
      paideia/ (a) "training" - The word "training" may mean discipline and even at times punishment. It is certainly used this way some times in the Bible, but it is difficult to understand what a term like "discipline of the Lord" might mean. It is most likely being used in an Old Testament sense, but it is difficult to see it as "the Lord's punishment schedule for disobedient children." So the word "training" is best understood in the sense of: parental guidance through example. The prime life-style example is Jesus himself. He is the one we must "follow", both as parents and children.
      nouqesia/ (a) "instruction - The word "instruction" is also most likely being used in an Old Testament sense, and if this is so it would tend toward "warning" or "strong exhortation" rather than instruction in the sense of academic teaching. A word like "admonition" might apply. So parents must warn their children of life's dangers and admonish them when they wonder from the way.

Expanded study

1. Parental Responsibilities
      In our passage today Paul reminds parents not to provoke their children, but rather nurture them. There are three elements to this nurture.
        i] Love. Titus.2:4. Provide a positive family life where the child is encouraged to develop physically, psychologically, socially and spiritually.
          a) Provide parental companionship.
          b) Stability in parental relationships.
          c) A good example by parents, Eph.5:16. The role model of an upright life. eg Ex.20:5, 34:7, Lev.26:99, Num.14:18, 33.
          d) Don't expect too much, harp on bad points, or embarrass children.
          e) Show no partiality. Deut.21:16.
          f) Provide for them. 2Cor.12:14.
        ii] Discipline. The Biblical picture is that of nurturing our children by chastening and admonition. Training and directing them, Prov.22:6, controlling them, 1Tim.3:4, and where necessary, with verbal and physical correction, Prov.13:24, 19:18, 22:15, 23:13.
      Obviously the difficulty is knowing where to draw the line. Any dishonor or disobedience to parents is viewed very seriously in the Bible, cf. Ex.21:15, Lev.20:9, Deut.21:18-21, Prov.30:17. Parents represent and reflect the fatherhood of God to their children. Dishonor parents and we dishonor God. This can be especially seen in the spiritual teaching role of parents. If the parent is not honoured then the impact of their teaching is greatly reduced. The child then gives little regard to God's law as taught by the parents. Thus, when a child knowingly dishonors (is stubborn, Deut.21:20; disrespectful, Deut.27:16; curses, Prov.30:11; causes strife in the home, Mi.7:6.) or disobeys their parents, the child must be admonished or, if necessary, chastised until repentant (ie. changes their way).
      The Bible does not encourage excessive violence, punishment prompted by a bad temper or "Victorian" restrictions, nor the suppression of a child's personality.
        iii] Instruction. A prime responsibility parents must accept is to teach their children, Deut.4:9, 6:7, 20, 21:19, 31:13, Prov.22:6, Isa.28:9. There is no mention of school in the Bible, rather it is the home that is the centre of instruction.
      Instruction consisted of two things:
          a) The Law of God. Education involved reading, ethics, Prov.31:1, religion, Deut.6:20-25.
          b) A trade. Usually the father taught his son a trade. The best example we have is Jesus himself.
      Christians have always been involved in education. The main concern has been to teach our children a God centred view of the world, ethics and right behavior and a trade.
      This concern has been extended to the rest of society as a means of making God's name knowen and bringing about faith in Christ. Universities, the Sunday Schools founded by Robert Raikes in the 1770's for the poor children of the industrial revolution, and public schools in the 1800's .... were all established by believers to proclaim ultimate truth.