Marriage Services

      Civil Wedding Celebrants / Marriage Celebrants are the best people to contact if you wish a secular wedding service. Civil Celebrants can be found on the web or advertised in your local paper. Most do an excellent job, but it is always useful to first watch the celebrant in action. If you would like a church wedding then it is best to look for a nice church building and contact the minister whose name will be on the notice board out the front. Some ministers don't like doing weddings, so just try another church if you get a negative response. Again, go to a service and watch the minister in action. If you want to be married in a public place like a park or a reception center, you will find that one of your local ministers may be happy to perform the ceremony. It is always best to try your local ministers first before looking elsewhere

      The following information should help you in the harrowing business of organizing a wedding.

• The reception: If you are using a reception center, always start with this booking first as they are often booked years ahead. Remember, a personal recommendation can save you from an embarrassing occasion. Most reception centers give you 5 hours and the booking can be an evening during the week or a Saturday/Sunday lunch or tea. There is a price difference between the different booking times with Saturday evening being the dearest. Why not be different and go for a Saturday lunch or a Friday evening? With the high cost of receptions people are now doing their own thing" - a Bar-B-Q, separate intimate dinners leading up to the wedding and then the big drive off into the sunset following the service, finger food and drinks served after the wedding in a hall, cricket pavilion, park ......
• The church/chapel/park... Next book the church. Some churches don't do weddings, so just try another one that looks right for you if you get a no-can-do. For a wedding in a public place, you can't just roll up to the park etc. and do the deed. Check with whoever is responsible for the site because you will probably have to book. Remember, it does rain! What contingencies have you in hand if it is a rainy day?
• Timing: A wedding service takes about 30 minutes (up to 60 minutes for a Catholic or Orthodox wedding). What with the bride arriving a little late, the service will begin about 15 minutes after the commencement time, with about 15 minutes chit-chat after the service. So for a 30 minute service allow 1 hour. If the reception begins at 5.00pm, and the church is a 30 minute drive from the reception, and the service is 30 minutes, book the church for 3.30pm. The photographer can do the photo-shoot in 30 minutes, although if you let them some will want up to 2 hours. The bridal party usually arrives at the reception center some 30 minutes after the guests following the photo-shoot. Remember, most guests don't like waiting around for an hour for the reception to begin, so it is best to keep the photo-shoot short. They like to go straight to the reception center from the church or park. This is, of course, not possible with some customs. For example, in a Greek wedding the bridal party goes to the grooms home following the service before going to the reception.
• Customs: Anything goes now, but because anything goes conflict is always around the corner, so take care. In Australian custom the bride's parents choose the church and pay for the reception, while the groom's parents pay for the church, drinks, cars and flowers. This simple formula no longer works because most young people have already left home and/or are living together; receptions are extremely costly now and therefore both parents usually contribute to the cost along with the couple; other nationalities have different customs (eg. In a Greek wedding the grooms parents choose the church). All the small church customs are similarly now a matter of personal preference. eg. i] A bride is given away by her father - often now the mother joins in, even the family, or it is dropped altogether. ii] The father escorts on his right arm - a man normally escorts on the left (to leave his sward arm free, which is why there are not many left handed people!) other than on this occasion or when escorting on the gutter side of a footpath. iii] In Australia the bridesmaids proceed the bride while in New Zealand, following English tradition, the bridesmaids follow the bride. iv] The bride and groom make their promises, right hand to right hand - now most use both hands. v] The wedding register is signed in the vestry - now most people sign in front of the congregation.
• Minister/Celebrant Interview and planning: The minister/celebrant will need to see you for planning and legal document preparation. Your planning interview should be between 6 months and 2 months before the wedding date.
• Notice of Intended Marriage: This is an official white form from Births, Deaths and Marriages and it will be sent to you by the minister/celebrant. Carefully fill out the form in BLACK pen. DO NOT sign the form, but bring it with you to your planning interview. The form must be completed at least one month and one day before the wedding otherwise you will have to get a magistrate to shorten the notification date, and this is not easy, even sometimes not possible. The Notice of Intended Marriage is not valid if signed more than 18 months before the wedding.
• Birth Certificates, Divorce Papers or Death Certificate. The minister/celebrant must see an official birth certificate or extract. These can obtained from the Government Department of Births, Deaths and Marriages. A passport is no longer acceptable. Where a person is unable to obtain a birth certificate, a statutory declaration stating why it is impracticable to obtain the certificate and stating where and when they believe they were born, must be produced. For a person born overseas a passport issued by the Government of an overseas country is acceptable in the absence of a birth certificate or extract. For a divorced person the Decri Nisi must be produced and for a deceased partner the death certificate must be produced. Photocopies are not acceptable.
• Music (if any). Remember, you will need to supply the ghetto blaster if the service is in a park, new batteries and a competent operator. If you are using tapes, produce 3 seperate tapes: 1. Bridal March.. 2. Signing Interlude, one song is usually enough. 3. Exit. The music can make or break a wedding service. CD's work better. Live musicians are always a treat, eg. a string quartet, guitarist singer...., but make sure you see them in action before booking them. Hymns are a problem. Do Australians sing any more? With a church you will find that they have their own organist who can provide the music. They may even require that you use their organist.
• Flowers As you like. The signing table always needs a bunch of flowers. Some people decorate the path the bride will walk along and also where the bride and groom will stand. With a church, you will find that the church ladies usually decorate the church for Sunday and that these arrangements are usually sufficient. None-the-less you are usually able to provide extra arrangements if you wish.
• Bible Reading/s. Some suggestions. Old Testament: Genesis 1:26-2:4a, Genesis 2:18-24, Genesis 24:48-51, 58-67, Song of Solomon 2:8-14, Song of Solomon 4:1-7, Song of Solomon 4:9-15, Song of Solomon 8:6-7. Psalms: 23, 37:3-7, 46, 67, 100, 111, 121, 127, 128, 138. Epistles (The letters in the New Testament): Romans 12:9-18, 1Corinthians 12:31-13:13 (or part of this reading), Ephesians 3:14-19, Ephesians 5:20-33, Colossians 3:12-17 (18-19), 1John 3:18-24, 1John 4:7-16. Gospels (The New Testament): Matthew 5:1-12, Matthew 7:21-29, Matthew 22:35-40, Luke 6:27-36, Luke 10:25-37, John 2:1-11, John 13:2-17, John 15:9-12 (12-16).
• Signing: You will need to provide a table (portable if outside) with a chair if you want to sign in front of everyone in a park or public place.
• Vows: In a Christian service, and particularly with the Anglican/Lutheran/Roman churches, the vows are set and are usually not changed. In other churches more latitude is given to the minister who may allow you to write your own vows. For example: "I ...... , in front of our friends and family, take you ........ to be my wife/husband. I promise to you today, tomorrow and for all the days ahead of us, to share my life with you, to love and respect you. I will be there for you in good times and bad. I will grow with you and stand with you. I will give my all to you. Today I vow to be yours always." The vows are the center of the marriage service. Life promises are made to each other in the presence of family and friends, so be sure to examine the words carefully. What promises do you actually want to make to your partner? The service below contains the traditional church vows. There are a number of different versions around today. In simple terms, the vows are a promise of mutual love for life. They are of course an intention to that end rather than a legal binding set in concrete. The word "obey" is sometimes included in the bride's vowes, but it means "respect" rather than obedience and is often not included these days. Do you intend learning your vows off by heart or will you repeat them after the minister?
• Names: The bride and groom usually say all their Christian or first names to each other, but some like to just use their usual or even shortened first name.
• Rings. Traditionally only the Bride receives the wedding ring, although today often both the bride and groom receive a ring. In tradition, the ring served as the unbroken symbol of the marriage bond. This symbol was provided by the groom and worn by the bride.
• Witnesses: Two are required. They may be from the wedding party or guests. They must be over 18 years old.
• Service Sheets. The service below details the words said in a traditional Anglican service. When printing a service sheet there is no need to print the service out in full. If you want to produce a service sheet just use the headings and only print in full the words you say to each other and the Lord's Prayer. The wedding party is placed on one page, poem etc. on another, and usually a "thank you" on another page. Some people print a map to the reception center on the back page.
• Ushers. Someone to hand out the service booklets.
• Wedding Certificate. At the conclusion of the service you will receive a wedding certificate. In Australia this certificate is no longer regarded as an official confirmation of the wedding when applying for a passport etc. You can apply for an application form from Births, Deaths & Marriages, GPO Box 30 NSW. 2001 for an official "Standard Certificate." They also issue Commemorative Marriage Certificates as in the illustration above. The cost is some $40. Phone for information: 1300 655 236.
• Costs. A wedding can be a very expensive event costing all up around $30,000, but at the same time it is possible to have a great day for around $5,000 or less. The best advice is create a day that you can afford. Don't go into debt for a wedding. Identify all the elements and budget for the day. Dresses, suits, hair, cars, flowers, invitations, church/chapel/park, minister/celebrant, reception.... On the budget side, hire the dresses and suits, print your own invitations, borrow the cars, do your own hair, hire a marquee $400, and set it up in someone's backyard and cater out the food at $10 per. head. The fees charged by the Celebrant/Minister range from $100 to $300. The church/park fees range from $0 to $500, while musicians can range from $50 to "ouch".
• Wedding Preparation. Most ministers and some civil celebrants require the couple to undertake a marriage preparation course. These may be a written questionnaire or a Saturday conference-style meeting. Although the girls don't mind, most blokes find them very threatening. The truth is they are innocent enough and if entered into in the right spirit, they are quite enjoyable. Just learning some basic conflict resolution techniques is value enough. None-the-less, a celebrant or minister of religion does not function primarily as a marriage counsellor. The Australian government is moving to include more pre marital guidance in the preparation of couples for marriage in response to the increasing divorce rate, but there is resistance to this from many celebrants and ministers who feel they are intruding on a couples personal life choices if they start questioning them and offering gratuitous advice. "Know thyself and to thyself be true" is the basis of a sound relationship. As for the rest, it's just common sense.
• Divorce and the Church. The Roman Catholic Church and the Anglican Church (particularly in Sydney), and to some extent some other Protestant Churches, do not automatically allow the remarriage of divorcees. It is very hard for a couple not to feel offended by this rule, although its purpose is to affirm a high view of marriage rather than punish anyone. Marriages do break down and this is hurt enough. If you are wanting to be married in a church or you want to use a minister in a public place, you are best to confirm at the outset whether the minister will marry divorcees. A Roman Catholic will have to gain a Papal dispensation and an Anglican may have to gain an approval from the Bishop to be remarried in the church. Both of these are difficult to obtain and so if you are having difficulty with your own church you could try the local Uniting, Baptist, Presbyterian, Christian Community...... church where the matter is left up to the minister's own discretion.
• The Service. The following service is a shortened and revised version of the traditional English wedding service. The religious content has been reduced so that the service is comfortable for people who do not normally attend church. Even today, this traditional form remains a very appropriate service for a wedding. The words and flow of the service are very well known and so people feel comfortable in it. Feel free to use it as a source for your own wedding service.